We ventured out into what I call nottablework which may or may not include a healthy mixture of moment work and blocking. And it was better than just sitting, shooting the fucking breeze and doing pointless character work with them. We're getting somehwere.
Yeah, I'm a bad person who doesn't care about my show because I thought my director's book was in my bag when it actually wasn't. I'm sorry for not bringing it in; it definitely was not on purpose, and you know I'll punish myself more than anyone else for not showing my actors some fucking common courtesy.
It's official -- I have no clue what I'm doing and it's starting to show. Brian and Ally are being really, really good sports at working through this and I really respect them for it. I am just really, really frustrated with myself for not doing the amount of work I should be doing. I barely did events, groundplan, and my simple, simple homework to top it all off. Like, I couldn't even stick to a proper schedule? Really? I'm a stage management major for shit's sake.
After that first day I felt like I sort of gave up because I didn't know how to do it, and I was afraid I wouldn't do it well. Those lectures made me feel like a complete ingrate, especially when I couldn't tell Aladren the events and theme of the fucking thing. You'd think for as long as I've been here I would have learned not to do that, especially when it's for Brian's benefit and not mine. I feel like I owe it to him because he's a freshman technically, but also that I don't because he's already in a theatre college. At any rate, though, it's for him and not me. I know this whole thing isn't a matter of right and wrong on a whole, but sometimes it really is.
I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I can't tell a story to finally get over it and tell the goddamn story.
I'm aware that this is all introspective, self-serving bullshit. Is punching a wall cool?
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Anyway:
Friday -- 105 (?) for working the dance show.
That talk with Hayley and Alicia was a killer. I sympathize. I absolutely loathe freshmen and middle school-age girls. They're vicious, pimply twats who don't know what terrible damage they're doing. I think she'll be fine, though.
Thursday -- 100 for finishing tablework with my people.
We're a little stuck with the tablework stuff -- it's gonna be interesting to see where they'll go with the charatcers we've come up with and the choces and GCs and all that cool stuff. I'm so worried for Brian, I feel like I'm not giving him a fair turn at what is his first real acting experience.
Wednesday -- 100 for helping with the dance show. No worky on play-y.
Tuesday -- 100 for doing tablework with them again.
Brian really needs to start loosening up. He's so tense and there's no difference between him and his character. Ally's fine, just a little quiet. At least they're off-book and junk.
Monday -- 100 for the performance exit exam, gorging myself on amazing Ethipian food for the first time and helping do techie things for the dance show.
All of this stuff is such bullshit. As long as I didn't fail I think I'm good. Bigbootybigbootybigbooty
