i suck at conveying me

and that sucks all in itself


Movement: jumping to the beatles
Voice: Bernarda Alba the musical (no, im not joking. horrible idea. one good song)
Reading: msnd
Participation: 100

for 90% finishing my ipa/conno/denno

its not good that i come off as someone who doesnt know themself

i can't tell you how much that fucking stinks


fbnsjdbfsjdbfasdjfsdbfsdjabfsd


i feel like crying right now


and beating someone


i just


headdesk


i feel like a loser


and a basket case


and why do i come off as gay? when did this start?

that whole situation was from a while ago, but still

do i just LOOK like a leasbian or something? not like its bad but

its not me


do i really look that butch and nasty? i mean i know im not fucking nicole kidman, but really?


not to say that lesbians are bitch and nasty, but you know what i mean.


i feel like a freak. and hopeless.


what the fuck is it? am i aiming too high? should i not try to have a nice teenagery life?


what am i doing wrong?


what am i not doing?


oh my god i dont want to be one of those losers who buy ten billion self help books when theyre fifty and who check their match.com's every two hours


oh my god


im fifteen and im already that


this is not good



i want to kick a puppy

i think im going crazy.


i think way too much and i want to cry all the time


and ill never be happy


how come all of these losers who act like ten yearolds have boyfriends? or had them?


and i dont?


do i look like a monster? am i really that despicable to look at?


god, im such a hypocrite


i dont have a fucking clue what im talking about


sorry hopey




peace

mehmehmehmeh

Movement: Pushups, crunches
Voice: Rose's Turn
Reading: Midsummer
Participation: 100

for SUFFERING FOR MY ART

but really, that actually kind of hurt a lot

i think i have a bruise on my back

but lalalalalla. i worked hard today.

even though i am not too bright...i'm not good with electical..shit


but this is what i wanted to put in my blog today

i was thinking about it


i think that the worst feeling in the world is invisibleness. i really do


when someone smacks you in the face (and i literally mean it) more than once on accident, it makes you feel blah

also when fucking dicks knock into you in the hallway and don't say sorry


i don't care if you're with your fuck buddies "messing around"

fuck. you

say sorry, dipshit


and by the way. i'm torn about something.


how can patti lupone go off on people like this:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dw6-Tp4UVVA (listen to it. i swear it's really saddening and funny at the same time)


and get applause for it?

YOU DUMB BITCH. people pay hundreds of dollars to see you portray a character, sing your songs. do the whole fucking shibang and leave.

you have no right to come out of character and yell at some dumbass for taking picture.

YOU ARE NOT FRONT OF HOUSE

YOU ARE NOT AN USHER

YOU. ARE. AN. ACTORRRRR


i don't care about how much of a goddess of awesomeness you might be


be a diva OFFstage, not on. that shit is just plain rude

they were only clapping because they didn't want to get their doodles chopped off as well. getting lupwnd isnt on anyone's to-do list.


so much for a julliard education. throw all that shit away?? you fucking dipshit. i don't care how cool you are.


not being professional= YOU SUCK MAJOR BALLS


peace

headdesk

please don't bitch out on commitments, people. i'm gonna have a grand fucking time

100

for movement work
voice work

and for getting blades that will be here by thursday


oh yeah. by the way?


ghnrelgihtrinhyiepgnhreopjgreojbnfdo;jnhrtjnh4opropejhwihgreughr8ty423507249054u2390thwneifvbewjvbge3u5y6h48y3wieohvdsighio4ye6890y3t80y4wr8e9gy8493689y43t654t8695y684y649y6489y654896y5gtiore







peace

about bernarda alba. read below post as well

i would like to be semiconcious while reading this.


i started, and it looks really bitchy. :-))))


but ill save the rest of it for later tomorrow

so. my bitching actaully wasn't bullshit

i told you

something retarded like this had to happen

that bitch is going down. not physically, but. you know what i mean

Movement: I can do full leglifts for a whole minute without stopping! SUCK MY COCK MR STAPLES
Voice: Revolution and If I Fell by The Beatles
Reading: Bernarda Alba (not yet. ill give separate journal later on)
Participation: 100


for learning not only my part, but pretty much everyone's in the act i scene ii



playing peaseblossom would be yummy

as much as i love being a rude mech


and lmfao at what anthony bourdain says about rachael ray. it is kinda fucked up how shes promoting dunkin donuts, and she knows she's family-friendly. i dont dig her vibes


and by the way: teachers who are awesome to their students have a special place in the cavity where my heart should be. it's just...*giggly juice pours from chelsea's soul*


more to come


peace

read below post as well, please

Movement: Pushups, crunches, standing in cold for 20 minutes
Voice: Shuffle, most the white album songs though
Reading: okay, so i didn't exactly start bernarda alba today but...i will tomorrow. I worked on midsummer
Participation: 100 for doing nice character whoopies

I'm not sure if what I had today was an exestensial crisis or not...i just want to solve it.

I'm watching this movie called Pretty Persuasions right now, and it's funny as hell. even though i won't finish it tonight.


blahblahblah freshman ari is a whore


she needs to go. you can't help the helpless who dont want to be helped, poopypie.

she fucking obliterated the bizzillion chances she had without a second thought.

i hope she's gone.


^^^
All i have to say on the matter. don't ask me about her anymore




keep it ziploc fresh


peace

garf

daindondwl nwklnweklrnhewiobfsdkbcjks bcjsd fd.swk fjnfsjknf


ill post an actual journal later.

i need a break from all of this. i just...its scary how i don't know who i am right now.

even though im not sure what to let go of.

i realized how fucking rediculous i look in the clothes that i have. what am I trying to prove? when can i start being myself? why do i act like a sexcrazed maniac when I'm really not? i'd love to know why.


i need a break for like...a week. it can't be at my house. it can't be at a friend's house. itll never happen. i have so many vastly differing perosnas and it creeps me out. obvi im not gonna be what im like around my parents than i am my friends...but it's kind of an extreme. i don't like it. help.

more to come